Category Archives: Humour

The new People’s elbow as demonstrated by Peter Sagan

 

OMG!!!! Dear Rouleurs,

Has the Tour de France 2017 been terribly exciting.  The wet time trial and second stage looked like a number of riders were playing russian roulette with the conditions and losing badly eg Alejandro Valverde and Luke Durbridge.  But far the biggest story of the event thus far has been the expulsion of current reigning world champion Peter Sagan.  A nasty incident on stage 4 in the dying moments of bunch spirit has cost Sagan his opportunity to win a 6th Green jersey.  If an image can tell a thousand words, then here’s 2 that should provide sufficient description as to why Sagan was turfed.

Now., that can’t possibly be legal…

Man…that has got to hurt.

Earlier, Arnaud Demare Launching through a hole along the barrier to get pass Alexander Kristoff and Andre Greipel. Mark Cavendish tried to follow him only to be cut off by Sagan and greeted with an elbow. Cavendish crashed into the barriers and then had the igdominy of being run over by another 2 riders. Ouchies…That indiscretion has ended both their races. Cavendish tried to continue the next day but was unable. ‘Chapeau’ to Demare, who became the first Frenchman, to win a bunch spirit for a stage in the Tour de France, since Jimmmy Casper in 2006.

Here’s a very excited Frenchman winning Stage 4’s bunch spirit.

However, Sagan’s use of the elbow as an effective finishing move, is not first time its been used on prime time TV.  Ladies and Gentlemen, MMT gives you the ‘People’s Elbow’ has used by Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson in WWE.  This bad boy debuted on WWE back in 1990/2000’s and was voted by readers of that paragon of journalism, the UK’s Sun newspaper, as the fourth best finishing move ever in the history of WWE.

   

Perhaps this is were Sagan got the idea from.  MMT wonders if the Rock will sue Sagan?  Now that would be interesting.

Until next time, ride safely in bunches without elbows,

Marv

 

Bollards to that…apologies to Attilla the Stockbroker

Dear Rouleurs,

I just had to post this one.  Post – that luntatic ice addict driving his car down Bourke St Mall and all the terrible, terrible acts of religious fanatics in London, Melbourne has received its own fleet of hideous concrete bollards.  They are scattered all over the CBD. Whilst these things seem to be unfortunately necessary, they are unspeakably ugly.  The picture below is sufficient proof of that.

A row of concrete eyesores near Fed Square.

So much to MMT’s surprise, an interesting article, documenting a wonderful public spirited response to these eyesores, appeared in the Age a few days ago.  I assume for reasons of cost cutting, after all its Fairfax print, the online version appeared only in the Sydney Morning Herald…WTF.

I’m surprised that anyone in the emerald city of Sydney would give 2 proverbial Shi#ts about these things in Melbourne???’

Another row of concrete eyesores near Southern Cross Station. One of them is just a little prettier, thanks to David Gray, the infamous Bollard Bandit.

Nevertheless, MMT feels compelled offer a polite and heartfelt ‘chapeau’ to Melbourne’s very own Bollard Bandit, David Gray for improving the city scape of Melbourne just a little bit.

Chapeau Monsieur Gray 🙂

Until next time, ride safe, avoiding bollards,

Marv

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly of Melbourne’s urban cycling

Dear Rouleurs,

MMT has been making a significant effort to some blogging this week, in amongst some pretty busy times at work and at home.  Having a 1 year old daughter means both my wife’s and mine lives revolve around her moods and whims, whether we like it or not ;-).  Notwithstanding, MMT has been able to get out and about at lunch time.  Consequently, MMT’s eagle has noticed a few interesting sights around the CBD.  In MMT’s imitable and plagiaristic style, these have been labelled the GOOD, the BAD and the UGLY.

So the GOOD.  Much MMT’s amazement a new private bike hire scheme seems to have appeared out of nowhere on the streets of Melbourne CBD.  That illustrious paragon of journalism, The Age, seemed to have noticed it too -> When it comes to shared cycling, yellow is the new blue by Ebony Bowden.   OBike hail from Singapore and think they can give the Melbourne Bike Scheme a run for its money.  This photo was taken in Docklands and these bikes seemed be a bit lonely tucked away in a back lane.

Now to the BAD.  MMT has been trying out new barbers for his 15 minute 4 comb/2 comb clipper buzz cut.  MMT has gravitated to Kings Domain Barber in the Paris End of Collins St.  For some utterly inexplicable reason, MMT’s work place has blocked the barber shop’s web site, so you’ll have to look it up yourself.  In a nutshell, the barbers there are good, quick and cheap and more importantly don’t try and sell me product that my rapidly balding head doesn’t need.  MMT digresses.  Back to the topic, MMT leaves the barber shop and spies this courier bike chained to a post.  The owner came out later and looked like a total bad ass courier.  There’s one message that MMT strongly agreed with, after a near miss with an SUV in the back streets of Brighton earlier that morning.

Now the UGLY.  MMT was super impressed by the care taken by some civic minded individual who left these signs on the bike racks near ANZ Docklands.  May a terrible pox afflict the bike thieves that are responsible for this terrible larceny.

And that’s it the GOOD, the BAD and the UGLY of urban cycling in CBD Melbourne.

Until next time, ride safe.

 

Marv

 

Can a bike really be worth $AUD 51,000….WTF?

Dear Rouleurs,

A friend of MMT’s wife sent through an MMS with a link to what could be the most outrageously expensive flatbar, carbon fibre, single speed bike of all time.  Apparently, its for the man  who has everything.  Supercar giant Bugatti has created what is possibly the world’s lightest, most expensive bicycle.  MMT will ignore the inherent sexism of the original article, although its quite possible that only someone loaded with cash and testosterone would buy this.  However it is quite striking in design.

MMT was particularly taken with the black and yellow colour scheme.  As its early in the 2017 AFL season, MMT still clings to the delusion shared by 70,000 members of the Richmond Football Club, that this year is the year.  MMT wrote about the symptoms of Richmonditis, way back in 2015.

Carrying the rather bland name of “PG Bugatti Bike”, the bicycle is estimated to cost a staggering $51,000 and weighs a feather-light 5kg.  Dear God that’s more combined cost of of the last two cars MMT has purchased…..  Both the cost – and the weight – of the bike comes down to its frame, which Bugatti claims is made from 95 percent carbon fibre.  Producing the bike in partnership with German bike manufacturer Pimp Garage, Bugatti says that every component on the bicycle has been engineered to be as light and wind-resistant as possible.

From the “numerous types of leather” to the “handcrafted carbon components”, the bicycle’s spec sheet reads like the wet dream of every mid-level executive who squeezes himself into lycra and joins the peloton.  The ride has been described as “firm and rigid”, which no doubt helps when you’re hurtling down a main arterial road on a bike that could very well send you broke.  MMT thinks that ‘firm and rigid’ is code for ‘bollock bruising’.

A primary feature of the bike is that most customers will be able to customise their bike to have the same fit and finish as their Bugatti – because only someone capable of owning a $1.7 million supercar would consider buying a bicycle that’s worth more than many make in a year. “We had the vision of building the ultimate bicycle to go with the ultimate car,” says Pimp Garage’s CEO Manuel Ostner. “It’s the ultimate in design, in workmanship and in performance.” MMT dares to suggest wankerism…

Of course, if you’re interested in impressing your MAMIL mates (for those not in the loop, that’s the semi-discriminatory term of Middle-Aged-Men-In-Lycra) at the coffee shop, you’ll have to get in quick: Bugatti has limited production to just 667 bikes, no doubt most of which will be heading to the garages of tech billionaires and Saudi princes.  Ah ha… that would be wanker thing again.

Any how, you can see more pictures and and the un-annotated version of this article at:

Bugatti creates a $50,000 bicycle that weighs less than 5kg

Until next time, ride safe

Marv