Category Archives: Urban Cycling

Ode to TISM and Dior BMX

Dear Rouleurs,

MMT has long been a fan of Melbourne’s ultimate underground band ‘This Is Serious Mum’ aka TISM.  MMT believes that members of self-entitled Gen-Y should be forced to listen to TISM as means to increase their self-awareness.

For example, the song What Are Ya? should be played on rotation to hipsters:

You’re a yob or you’re a wanker
Take your fucking choice
So who is your favourite genius
James Hird or James Joyce?

You ever seen a live performance?
Join the wanker club
You thought I meant table top dancing?
You’re a yobbo, bub

I digress.  MMT was driven to this latest burst of hostility after skim reading today’s AFR (yup I’m a wanker 😉 but he was trying to figure what to do about his superannuation) when he encountered this:

For the love of God…$4,300 for BMX/fashion statement.  Contrary, to what the AFR writer/wanker says, MMT can and will resist the urge to buy something like this.  Also its really not that stylish.  Clearly, if you are buying one of these things you have too much money.

YOU ARE A COMPLETE WANKER.

Think again and donate the same amount of cash to a worthwhile charity.

Ok that’s my moralising rant finished.  TISM please make a comeback and release a new album, the world needs you.

MMT

 

Bollards to that…apologies to Attilla the Stockbroker

Dear Rouleurs,

I just had to post this one.  Post – that luntatic ice addict driving his car down Bourke St Mall and all the terrible, terrible acts of religious fanatics in London, Melbourne has received its own fleet of hideous concrete bollards.  They are scattered all over the CBD. Whilst these things seem to be unfortunately necessary, they are unspeakably ugly.  The picture below is sufficient proof of that.

A row of concrete eyesores near Fed Square.

So much to MMT’s surprise, an interesting article, documenting a wonderful public spirited response to these eyesores, appeared in the Age a few days ago.  I assume for reasons of cost cutting, after all its Fairfax print, the online version appeared only in the Sydney Morning Herald…WTF.

I’m surprised that anyone in the emerald city of Sydney would give 2 proverbial Shi#ts about these things in Melbourne???’

Another row of concrete eyesores near Southern Cross Station. One of them is just a little prettier, thanks to David Gray, the infamous Bollard Bandit.

Nevertheless, MMT feels compelled offer a polite and heartfelt ‘chapeau’ to Melbourne’s very own Bollard Bandit, David Gray for improving the city scape of Melbourne just a little bit.

Chapeau Monsieur Gray 🙂

Until next time, ride safe, avoiding bollards,

Marv

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly of Melbourne’s urban cycling

Dear Rouleurs,

MMT has been making a significant effort to some blogging this week, in amongst some pretty busy times at work and at home.  Having a 1 year old daughter means both my wife’s and mine lives revolve around her moods and whims, whether we like it or not ;-).  Notwithstanding, MMT has been able to get out and about at lunch time.  Consequently, MMT’s eagle has noticed a few interesting sights around the CBD.  In MMT’s imitable and plagiaristic style, these have been labelled the GOOD, the BAD and the UGLY.

So the GOOD.  Much MMT’s amazement a new private bike hire scheme seems to have appeared out of nowhere on the streets of Melbourne CBD.  That illustrious paragon of journalism, The Age, seemed to have noticed it too -> When it comes to shared cycling, yellow is the new blue by Ebony Bowden.   OBike hail from Singapore and think they can give the Melbourne Bike Scheme a run for its money.  This photo was taken in Docklands and these bikes seemed be a bit lonely tucked away in a back lane.

Now to the BAD.  MMT has been trying out new barbers for his 15 minute 4 comb/2 comb clipper buzz cut.  MMT has gravitated to Kings Domain Barber in the Paris End of Collins St.  For some utterly inexplicable reason, MMT’s work place has blocked the barber shop’s web site, so you’ll have to look it up yourself.  In a nutshell, the barbers there are good, quick and cheap and more importantly don’t try and sell me product that my rapidly balding head doesn’t need.  MMT digresses.  Back to the topic, MMT leaves the barber shop and spies this courier bike chained to a post.  The owner came out later and looked like a total bad ass courier.  There’s one message that MMT strongly agreed with, after a near miss with an SUV in the back streets of Brighton earlier that morning.

Now the UGLY.  MMT was super impressed by the care taken by some civic minded individual who left these signs on the bike racks near ANZ Docklands.  May a terrible pox afflict the bike thieves that are responsible for this terrible larceny.

And that’s it the GOOD, the BAD and the UGLY of urban cycling in CBD Melbourne.

Until next time, ride safe.

 

Marv