Tag Archives: Melbourne

Bollards to that…apologies to Attilla the Stockbroker

Dear Rouleurs,

I just had to post this one.  Post – that luntatic ice addict driving his car down Bourke St Mall and all the terrible, terrible acts of religious fanatics in London, Melbourne has received its own fleet of hideous concrete bollards.  They are scattered all over the CBD. Whilst these things seem to be unfortunately necessary, they are unspeakably ugly.  The picture below is sufficient proof of that.

A row of concrete eyesores near Fed Square.

So much to MMT’s surprise, an interesting article, documenting a wonderful public spirited response to these eyesores, appeared in the Age a few days ago.  I assume for reasons of cost cutting, after all its Fairfax print, the online version appeared only in the Sydney Morning Herald…WTF.

I’m surprised that anyone in the emerald city of Sydney would give 2 proverbial Shi#ts about these things in Melbourne???’

Another row of concrete eyesores near Southern Cross Station. One of them is just a little prettier, thanks to David Gray, the infamous Bollard Bandit.

Nevertheless, MMT feels compelled offer a polite and heartfelt ‘chapeau’ to Melbourne’s very own Bollard Bandit, David Gray for improving the city scape of Melbourne just a little bit.

Chapeau Monsieur Gray 🙂

Until next time, ride safe, avoiding bollards,

Marv

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly of Melbourne’s urban cycling

Dear Rouleurs,

MMT has been making a significant effort to some blogging this week, in amongst some pretty busy times at work and at home.  Having a 1 year old daughter means both my wife’s and mine lives revolve around her moods and whims, whether we like it or not ;-).  Notwithstanding, MMT has been able to get out and about at lunch time.  Consequently, MMT’s eagle has noticed a few interesting sights around the CBD.  In MMT’s imitable and plagiaristic style, these have been labelled the GOOD, the BAD and the UGLY.

So the GOOD.  Much MMT’s amazement a new private bike hire scheme seems to have appeared out of nowhere on the streets of Melbourne CBD.  That illustrious paragon of journalism, The Age, seemed to have noticed it too -> When it comes to shared cycling, yellow is the new blue by Ebony Bowden.   OBike hail from Singapore and think they can give the Melbourne Bike Scheme a run for its money.  This photo was taken in Docklands and these bikes seemed be a bit lonely tucked away in a back lane.

Now to the BAD.  MMT has been trying out new barbers for his 15 minute 4 comb/2 comb clipper buzz cut.  MMT has gravitated to Kings Domain Barber in the Paris End of Collins St.  For some utterly inexplicable reason, MMT’s work place has blocked the barber shop’s web site, so you’ll have to look it up yourself.  In a nutshell, the barbers there are good, quick and cheap and more importantly don’t try and sell me product that my rapidly balding head doesn’t need.  MMT digresses.  Back to the topic, MMT leaves the barber shop and spies this courier bike chained to a post.  The owner came out later and looked like a total bad ass courier.  There’s one message that MMT strongly agreed with, after a near miss with an SUV in the back streets of Brighton earlier that morning.

Now the UGLY.  MMT was super impressed by the care taken by some civic minded individual who left these signs on the bike racks near ANZ Docklands.  May a terrible pox afflict the bike thieves that are responsible for this terrible larceny.

And that’s it the GOOD, the BAD and the UGLY of urban cycling in CBD Melbourne.

Until next time, ride safe.

 

Marv

 

Sometimes there are things that you can’t unsee….

Dear Rouleurs,

I was out having a really enjoyable round trip ride to Mordialloc. Clear skies, almost no wind and crisp conditions, made ideal weather for riding. MMT has finally recovering from a 3 week bout of bronchitis that ruined his Easter riding plans and resulted a couple of visits to his GP. This morning’s ride was sans RCC MEL, mainly due to MMT’s lack of conditioning. Riding solo has its advantages, you listen to music, set your own pace and just enjoy the landscape you are journeying through.

So with that in mind, MMT was feeling fairly zen like until encountering heavy traffic through Brighton and Elwood. It is always tricky threading your way through slow moving or immobile traffic. Motorists tend to become a bit edgy and less observant. The reason the congestion became apparent near the Elwood Canal. There were numerous blue flashing lights. MMT’s initial thoughts were “That’s odd place to put an RBT station. No wonder traffic is banked up”. Crawling along through the traffic, it becomes apparent that it’s not just Police it’s also Paramedics. A small bunch of cyclists is on the footpath. The Police has blocked off half of a lane. I carefully move out of the cycle lane and eyeball the driver behind me.

As I pass the Police car, I see a horrific sight. A cyclist has had a tragic accident. I think the man is covered in blood. The paramedics are administering CPR. I can’t shake the feeling I’ve just witnessed a fatality. I feel the blood drain from my face and I am nauseous. One word appears in my mind…”how?”. How did that happened? It’s a flat piece of road with good visibility. Riding conditions were perfect. I’m shocked and saddened. This man’s loved ones are going to have a terrible morning. I think of my family, my wife, my 10 month old daughter. I’m very jittery and move onto the bike path at the first opportunity. I’m glad to arrive home safe.

I ride to work very carefully. I meet one of daughter’s carer’s on the way. She’s riding a fixie. We have a short chat. I let her and the lady behind her go through first. I’m in no hurry today. I arrive at work, have a long hot shower and try to clear my head. Eventually I walk to my desk and I log on to my PC. I check my email and then decide to Google the accident. Oh no… its exactly as I feared. The Sun Herald reports that the cyclist has crashed into a parked car. He was part of a small group riding along Marine Parade. He was only a few years older than me. I feel sad for the man’s family. I hope that he didn’t suffer.

Please, please, please ride safe.

Marv

Name and shame part 2 – AJA 780

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Dear Rouleurs,
Its been a few weeks since I’ve had a rant about dickhead ute drivers. May be I’ve been lucky. However, yesterday I had another close call with a dickhead ute driver. The driver of a black ute, Victorian registration AJA 780, was talking to his mate and looking at Port Melbourne Oval as he sped through the pedestrian crossing on Williamstown Road in Port Melbourne at 08:50am.  As always, the red star marks the spot.

Yes the driver of a white ute, registration OUF213 tried to kill me here today.

Yes, the driver of a white ute, registration OUF213 tried to kill me here today.

The vehicle was a black modern ute either Ford or Holden with mag rims and low profile tires and it looked a lot like this one.

20161014-blackute

The driver looked to be in his thirties, wore sunglasses and a baseball cap. If by some co-incidence, you come across this driver, feel free to punch him in the head and then direct him to this blog.

As Italians say ”Vaffanculo!!!’ with the appropriate hand gesture to you for some truly idiotic driving.  May be you sir are a future Darwin Award Winner.

Until next time, ride safe

Marv