Category Archives: Humour

To Lycra or not to lycra…apologies to Shakespeare


Dear Roulers,

Way back in 2015, I stumbled across a series of cartoons by a very funny cyclist called Dave Walker here’s the link.  Mr Walker has been very busy and published a book of his work.  As means of avoiding a law suit for plagiarism, this blog entry is a shameless plug for his book. Now depending on how ‘old school’ you are, you can either walk into your nearest bookstore and take pot luck or find it on Amazon.

Now the reason for the plug. I was walking down the stairs to my employer’s locker room, when I passed a fellow MAMIL going out for a run.  No big deal, except for the really suspect choice of tight lycra shorts and top.  Most runners I know tend to go for the light weight short and tank top combination.  The choice of clothing was not helped by the MAMIL’s middle age spread, which MMT can happily report was significantly worse than his own.

Strictly speaking, MMT is throwing stones inside the glass house here and MMT is not wishing this runner into an early grave either.  This MAMIL should be wholeheartedly applauded for his endeavours.  Nevertheless, it wasn’t a great look.  Possibly a Rocky style tracksuit may have been more flattering.  However, it was this chance encounter that made me think of Mr Walker’s take on the inappropriate wearing of lyrca.

MMT says ‘chapeau’ Mr Walker.  MMT adds that lyrca should never worn on public transport, unless its accompanied by a bicycle.  Similarly, any male tendency to ‘spreading’ should be resisted.

Until next time, ride safe,


The new People’s elbow as demonstrated by Peter Sagan


OMG!!!! Dear Rouleurs,

Has the Tour de France 2017 been terribly exciting.  The wet time trial and second stage looked like a number of riders were playing russian roulette with the conditions and losing badly eg Alejandro Valverde and Luke Durbridge.  But far the biggest story of the event thus far has been the expulsion of current reigning world champion Peter Sagan.  A nasty incident on stage 4 in the dying moments of bunch spirit has cost Sagan his opportunity to win a 6th Green jersey.  If an image can tell a thousand words, then here’s 2 that should provide sufficient description as to why Sagan was turfed.

Now., that can’t possibly be legal…

Man…that has got to hurt.

Earlier, Arnaud Demare Launching through a hole along the barrier to get pass Alexander Kristoff and Andre Greipel. Mark Cavendish tried to follow him only to be cut off by Sagan and greeted with an elbow. Cavendish crashed into the barriers and then had the igdominy of being run over by another 2 riders. Ouchies…That indiscretion has ended both their races. Cavendish tried to continue the next day but was unable. ‘Chapeau’ to Demare, who became the first Frenchman, to win a bunch spirit for a stage in the Tour de France, since Jimmmy Casper in 2006.

Here’s a very excited Frenchman winning Stage 4’s bunch spirit.

However, Sagan’s use of the elbow as an effective finishing move, is not first time its been used on prime time TV.  Ladies and Gentlemen, MMT gives you the ‘People’s Elbow’ has used by Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson in WWE.  This bad boy debuted on WWE back in 1990/2000’s and was voted by readers of that paragon of journalism, the UK’s Sun newspaper, as the fourth best finishing move ever in the history of WWE.


Perhaps this is were Sagan got the idea from.  MMT wonders if the Rock will sue Sagan?  Now that would be interesting.

Until next time, ride safely in bunches without elbows,



Bollards to that…apologies to Attilla the Stockbroker

Dear Rouleurs,

I just had to post this one.  Post – that luntatic ice addict driving his car down Bourke St Mall and all the terrible, terrible acts of religious fanatics in London, Melbourne has received its own fleet of hideous concrete bollards.  They are scattered all over the CBD. Whilst these things seem to be unfortunately necessary, they are unspeakably ugly.  The picture below is sufficient proof of that.

A row of concrete eyesores near Fed Square.

So much to MMT’s surprise, an interesting article, documenting a wonderful public spirited response to these eyesores, appeared in the Age a few days ago.  I assume for reasons of cost cutting, after all its Fairfax print, the online version appeared only in the Sydney Morning Herald…WTF.

I’m surprised that anyone in the emerald city of Sydney would give 2 proverbial Shi#ts about these things in Melbourne???’

Another row of concrete eyesores near Southern Cross Station. One of them is just a little prettier, thanks to David Gray, the infamous Bollard Bandit.

Nevertheless, MMT feels compelled offer a polite and heartfelt ‘chapeau’ to Melbourne’s very own Bollard Bandit, David Gray for improving the city scape of Melbourne just a little bit.

Chapeau Monsieur Gray 🙂

Until next time, ride safe, avoiding bollards,


The Good, the Bad and the Ugly of Melbourne’s urban cycling

Dear Rouleurs,

MMT has been making a significant effort to some blogging this week, in amongst some pretty busy times at work and at home.  Having a 1 year old daughter means both my wife’s and mine lives revolve around her moods and whims, whether we like it or not ;-).  Notwithstanding, MMT has been able to get out and about at lunch time.  Consequently, MMT’s eagle has noticed a few interesting sights around the CBD.  In MMT’s imitable and plagiaristic style, these have been labelled the GOOD, the BAD and the UGLY.

So the GOOD.  Much MMT’s amazement a new private bike hire scheme seems to have appeared out of nowhere on the streets of Melbourne CBD.  That illustrious paragon of journalism, The Age, seemed to have noticed it too -> When it comes to shared cycling, yellow is the new blue by Ebony Bowden.   OBike hail from Singapore and think they can give the Melbourne Bike Scheme a run for its money.  This photo was taken in Docklands and these bikes seemed be a bit lonely tucked away in a back lane.

Now to the BAD.  MMT has been trying out new barbers for his 15 minute 4 comb/2 comb clipper buzz cut.  MMT has gravitated to Kings Domain Barber in the Paris End of Collins St.  For some utterly inexplicable reason, MMT’s work place has blocked the barber shop’s web site, so you’ll have to look it up yourself.  In a nutshell, the barbers there are good, quick and cheap and more importantly don’t try and sell me product that my rapidly balding head doesn’t need.  MMT digresses.  Back to the topic, MMT leaves the barber shop and spies this courier bike chained to a post.  The owner came out later and looked like a total bad ass courier.  There’s one message that MMT strongly agreed with, after a near miss with an SUV in the back streets of Brighton earlier that morning.

Now the UGLY.  MMT was super impressed by the care taken by some civic minded individual who left these signs on the bike racks near ANZ Docklands.  May a terrible pox afflict the bike thieves that are responsible for this terrible larceny.

And that’s it the GOOD, the BAD and the UGLY of urban cycling in CBD Melbourne.

Until next time, ride safe.